Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize