theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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