I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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