After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
