wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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