No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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