i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
