I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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