Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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