Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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