It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
