we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
