don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There r osticjed everywhere
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.