hotel room ftw
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.