There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.