Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.