I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
