return my video game
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine