I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
