and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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