soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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