why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Who died my cat blue again?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize