You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i will never coherently bang her
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
