Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
