My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
3 2 1 whiskey
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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