no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
