it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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