This girl is more easily done than said...
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
