so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
