I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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