The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
