I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
