coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
