dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
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i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
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He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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