i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
