Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
