She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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