so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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