come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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