i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
