My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
