and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
