Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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