You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
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