its not stalking. its research.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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