Where did you get a picture of my penis
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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