I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
