And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
