I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
