I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
