fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will be naked everywhere
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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