I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize