I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
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She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
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11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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