was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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