My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
