You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
