Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
