do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
