a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
