I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
