Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
