hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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