You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
we're so committed to being not committed
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
