hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
