I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
