i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
