I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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