I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
