ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
