evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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