Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
